‘You can’t be serious’, retorted Jim, as he hastily exited the room, his coffee spilling onto the cream-coloured carpet. Walking down the stairs, he thought about the previous night’s party and the discussion about relationships that so upset him.
Down at the lounge, he gazed out the window. It was a cold winter morning, the street looked deserted. He felt deflated. ‘Why must I feel this longing yet unwilling to let go of the past and grab this opportunity?’. He was torn between decisions.
Upstairs Samantha was going through her own turmoil. She knew she was in love with Jim and was ready to have a go at a relationship. Damn it. She was ready to be his wife and spend the rest of her life loving this stubborn man, nurturing him, bringing him back to that happy and kind man she met all those years ago. She gathered the bedsheet around her, sank her head back into the softness of the pillows, thoughts lost in confusion and defeat. She knew Jim was still in pain and finding it hard to recommit. She knew he cared immensely about his two beautiful children and will do anything, everything, to protect them from any emotional distress. But what can she do? She has opened up about herself, discussed her deepest fears and most treasured memories. She has confided in him like she has never done before, yet she knew he was afraid, afraid to love, afraid to open his heart to any woman. As she thought about these things, she drifted back into a dark restless sleep.
Jim paced about, wondering what Samantha was up to. He was sad for her. He knew she loved him deeply, she has shown it and was somewhat protective of him, like a mother hen. He smiled, remembering how she came to his defence last night. She was brilliant, like she had seen through his very soul. He knew he could trust her, even love her, but was he ready? Was he in the right state of mind to make decisions that would not just be emotionally-driven? Was he ready to commit and give it a go?
After his failed relationship with his children’s mother and having the children now residing with him, he had been fully devoted to the children. They meant the world to him. He would cross the wires for them. He would take the bullet.
As he continued pacing up and down, he knew that he had work to do on Samantha. He knew he had hurt her deeply with his words and he had to reassure her he cared deeply for her. But how could he make her see beyond his fears, expectations and challenges?
In time he knew he would have to make the decision. He was happy but knew he could be happier. He knew beyond the sea there was a brilliant life ahead with Samantha. He could see the light pairing through the bushes and knew there was hope. But he was scared shitless!
She was indeed his soul mate but was he ready to make that leap, leap into the unknown? That’s a decision he would have to make, and make it quickly otherwise he may lose the one woman he knows he has truly loved like no one else.
****So often we are bugged down by past experiences, unable to take a leap into the dark unknown. Like Jim, we are afraid to invite someone else to share our lives with us. We have become so used to enjoying our own space, our own world, being the sole architect of our destiny and we shut the door to others. Sometimes in our quest for happiness, we become so in love with self and comfortable within ourselves we become inward-looking.
Beyond the bushes there is some light. If we come across, through our journeys, that other human we perceive as a soul mate, it may be worth giving it a go and finding that extra dose of happiness we so deserve.